Hello, you are reading ‘Like Person, Like Coach’ by Iacob Bacian - a newsletter exploring the intersection of personal narrative and coaching practice.
In November 2022 I published a crowdfunding page to raise funds for top surgery - a life-changing surgery that I hope to have in 2023. In the last two months of the crowdfunder being live I’ve been immensely changed by the incredible support it has received. I have a hunch this impact is more than personal and has rippled through our crowdfunder community:
Generosity is the DNA of the day - The crowdfunder has been received with immense support and kindness. People have not only donated but offered numerous other types of support. This readiness to show up, sense of abundance and sharing has seeped through in my behaviours. I am less afraid to give when I think I don’t have enough, to take time with strangers who ask me for support, to lift others’ work and projects. It no longer feels like a topping of the day but the day itself.
It doesn’t have to be a doggy dog world - I’ve never been one to protest. I’ve grown up shy and afraid of authority. Being trans and out has forced me into a position of having to stand up for my rights. In asking for this money and support, I’ve shifted from my comfort zone into a learning one. I am in a privileged position to have been able to borrow this money from one or two people who kindly offered, but I didn’t because for me it’s not about each of us making it on our own in our private worlds — it’s about learning to ask help, trusting and relying on each other as community care.
Being trans isn’t exotic or a choice, unless we make it so - This crowdfunder has been called ‘intimate’, ‘private’, ‘sensitive’ and of course it is. But it’s no more vulnerable than any other crowdfunder for medical care. Being transgender and needing healthcare isn’t more private, only when we regard is as exotic, a lifestyle choice —it’s neither of those. What makes it seem so sensitive is perhaps having to share it on LinkedIn. That’s a broken system. I’ve felt sad to have to ‘advertise’ this surgery but equally joyful, alive, supported, connected, hopeful about trans allyship and a respectful future for trans people.
We don’t need to know each other - to be there for each other. There have been a handful of people donating who don’t know me and I don’t know. This has shaken up my idea of ‘strangers’ and the perceived neccesity of closeness to offer support. I was always taken aback by that moment on a NYE evening where you end up hugging a complete stranger as the first thing you do in the New Year. We center family and friends but what might happen if we included the ‘stranger’ in that centre?
You can continue to support the crowdfunder through this link. Support in its myriad of forms is welcome: donate, share, send words of encouragement, offer your skills, talk about it, etc. Thank you for being part of this collective effort and making this surgery a reality of 2023.
iacob.
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