Weeknotes #60: Letting Things Break .2

You are reading Coaching Weeknotes by Roxi Bacian: explorations at the intersection of coaching, personal and organisational development. These week notes are multiply authored - arrived at in conversation with many:

‘You do not need fixing. There is nothing wrong with you. It is not your sorrow, as such; we no longer have the luxury of being private citizens of an entangled cosmos. Every moment you feel the churning discourse of grief, trust that everything froths in symphony with ‘your’ despair. Trust that pain is not a crisis of interiority, but a public knowing, a shared feeling. Trust that the whole world of things is creased in that moment. Trust that you are not alone.’

- Báyò Akómoláfé

Two years ago I wrote a blog post about ‘Letting Things Be Broken’.

I’ve been coming back to it in the last few weeks as I recently found myself experiencing a cascade of loss across different areas of life.

So I write this post from the mouth of the canyon.

I may not be the best at letting tenderness occupy my bones. Or my words. But I’m trying. I’m finding that often when we let things break it doesn’t necessarily equate with endings but certainly to change - a new relationship to the world and to life. Actually, even when speaking about death, it invites a new relationship to who we’ve lost. To who we’ve been. And who we want to be now to the people closest to us. To the work we care about.

And yet, letting brokenness exist and take over our lives is not an invitation anyone would care to take you up on.

Certainly it feels that the necessary ingredients might involve: other people’s witnessing, critical friends who tell you it like it is, a commitment to your guts and embodied wisdom, consistency in self-inquiry, tuning into kairos time, letting frustration, fear, deep sadness, despair exist and breathing into them, moving one’s body, being close to nature, trusting, acting in the world.

Letting things break is having the courage to let go of what has given us great sources of comfort but now is holding us back. And for a sweet period of time, it will be easier to hold onto whatever that was. There is no failure in this, but to not accept that human change is a hugely delicate process - - I see that more and more clearly. So it’s only with compassion, learnt in relationship, that I believe we may savour breakage.

And yet, there is nothing romantic about this.

But I’m curious what may become possible when we trust, in time, that all the repeated breakings will take us closer to where we need to be, perhaps on wildly different paths, but nonetheless truer ones. To ourselves and the impact we can then have on the world. Let nothing deter you from the voice inside yourself that is asking for change, no matter what is at stake.

For every shadow, no matter how deep, is threatened by morning light.
- Isabel, The Fountain (the movie)

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Roxi Bacian
Organisational and Leadership Coach
Associate Certified Coach with ICF

roxanabacian.com / Executive Coach CV / LinkedIn / Instagram
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